I like that.

Do you know the feeling.. when you're in a far away place, and you look at a picture and you put yourself in that picture and not in the far away place anymore? That happens to me every time I check my email or look at pictures on facebook. I'm sitting here in the lounge.. all the way in Australia.. but when I start reading the words.. the couch I'm sitting on disappears and so do the voices going on around me.. and the ceiling and walls turn into the beautiful landscapes of Pennsylvania. I put myself right into the picture and think about what would be going on if I were right there. And then I shut the computer and realize I'm so so far away. It's always this smack of reality. Usually I'm so busy that I can only think about it for a minute or so.. but other times it really hurts. Like I physically feel the pain of being gone all over again.. I love being in the perfect will of God.. but it's hard. It doesn't always feel wonderful and great everyday. It's a challenge sometimes to remember that this is right timing. As I continue to read my bible and pray and be here learning, God reminds me of his good plans for me. He also reminds me that its ok to miss home. Hey! I'm glad for where I came from-that's a good thing. I like that.

I think I'll go home, have some tea and read The Count of Monte Cristo until I fall asleep.

Today I am a pirate.

Is it ok to be obsessed with a band? Is it ok if you can’t help it? What if you’ve tried not to listen to them.. simply because for three months straight they were all you allowed your ears to hear? What if you tried this and it didn’t work? Is it ok to be obsessed then? I may have a problem if this is not ok. We are the outsiders.

Good morning New Zealand. Mmm gotta love the window seat.

From my Journal dated July 1^st, 2010 – Australia bound

It started to hit me yesterday as I was getting the last of my things out of the apartment… I was walking out the door when I listened and could hear Grandpa Beiler playing his guitar from his bedroom two floors up. I had stood there many times this spring, always caught off guard.. so happy to be hearing a little bit of him. I stood there and just cried.. realizing that this would be the last time for a long time. Realizing where I came from. Last night I watched home videos with mom and dad. It was so weird… seeing myself as a one year old. Needing my parents.. having no choice but to trust them. How did they let me go? Gradually, over the years.. how did they do it? And now I’m 21 and my own person. How wonderful to have parents who Love and let go.. I guess.. loving is letting go?

July 6^th, 2010

So… I’m here. I’m in Australia. How do I find it? So great. It’s cold. I will admit.. I’m sad that I’m missing PA summer. But I’m here so I will be here all the way. Winter.. winter.. yes, Lindsay it is winter. See? Ok.. yea winter is great. The people? Such a joy to be around. Yesterday we counted and there are 26 nations represented here. I love it. I’m already working on my Australian accent! G’day Mate! How ya goin? Grab a cuppa for brekkie, no worries! J My first day of class is tomorrow. I can’t really contain my excitement. Ohh.. it’s just so good to be here. After a year of praying and hoping to come. I had my doubts about coming.. I think maybe that’s what time does sometimes. When something is so far away it doesn’t seem like its for real even if you talk about it and plan on it. But here I am and thanking God for his provision and timing. And now? I will climb into my top bunk and fall asleep to A Beautiful Exchange.

More to come soon..

thinking.

Sometimes I think too much. does anybody else do that? I mean.. I have this brain and I've learned to think - but maybe I've learned to think too much. About all the details. And it's not just cause I'm a girl.. please don't pull that card on me. I really wish I could just let go..

and the thing is I'm not sure what I need to let go of.

again.. more thoughts.

We are family.

Please look at my beautiful sister. These are her senior pictures. I can't believe she's graduating from high school! The last Beiler to grace the halls of Octorara Area High.. Congrats Meg!

And here are my wonderful parents. Moving away made me so appreciate my parents. All that they do and who they are. I find myself relating to them more and more.

I now MUST take time to tell you about the Needtobreathe concert that I went to a few weeks ago. Oh man.. where do I start!? They were incredible! The cover bands were great too.. but once they started setting up for Needtobreathe the excitement really grew.. picture it with me -- the stage is dark.. they're finally set. you glance behind and see the room packed with people waiting, anticipating.. no one is on stage and you're just waiting waiting for them to walk out.. 2 minutes of nothing but darkness, and you can't picture what it will be like but you want to so bad - but as soon as it starts you know it will go so fast so you almost dont want them to walk out. You just want to stand there anticipating the first performance.. wondering what it will be like.. you hear the dull conversations going on around you and just listen and realized how much you really just can wait for.. then you see shapes appear on stage! Cheers and clapping automatically roar from the crowd and you find yourself screaming and lighting up and wanting to know them-before you even see them. No lights yet.. still darkness but know they're there.. you wait for that first drum tap or guitar strum or 1-2-3-4.. you're longing for them to start but once it starts you know there will have to be an end - you could stay in this moment forever.. just the fact that you're there and they're there.. and the first banjo strum rings out and the lights come up and you are lost in the song.. this moment has been talked about for so many weeks and now you're finally here. Ah! It's so wonderful to hear nothing but music! .. at first all you can do is just watch.. and listen.. and fall in love. Then from song to song you start singing and belting the words and dancing and.. you try to pause to take it all in - but it happens so fast. You want to take advantage of every song and not just let them roll by. You're so happy and so privileged to be there. You long to know who these people are and what drives them.. Are they really who they appear to be on stage? The energy.. where do they get it? Are they getting it from my cheers and screams and dancing? Is it saved up somewhere? Do they ever not want to walk out on that stage? Do they have a normal life? Do they know that people worship them and think they are so great? ... all i know is i didnt want that night to end. I could have danced and sang all night. Music has such an impact on me, it pulls me in and makes me see. I really really enjoy live concerts.. everything about them. The ride there.. the wait in line.. cover bands-experiencing the beginnings of their music career.. the show you've been waiting for and finding it better than you expected. The feeling of music pounding through your body.. trying desperately to find the words to describe your experience.. but realizing that there aren't any .. but thats ok because that is what makes it so personal and wonderful. When it ends.. you just want it to begin again.. rewind the night! again again! When you hear their music you'll never be the same.. you'll hear something deeper; that somehow you are now a part of. You fall in love with the music-you have no choice. It takes you away.. and leaves you with a passion for more. The music drives you and I can't explain it. You'll just have to go see for yourself.