Breathing deep the day..

Learning. Feeling alive in it. A little bit doubtful in it. Sometimes facing the day is hard. Wondering if it will stay like this. Mmm desiring to let go of it.. To let it be a part of me. Learning to learn.

Longing for familiarity. This will become familiar soon. It's already starting. Do we get to decide what becomes familiar? I guess it's whatever we are in at the moment. I don't think wanting familiar is wrong. I just know that familiar will change for me soon. In about two months I leave for the beautiful country of Africa. And there I will experience a newness.. and that will become the new familiar. A never felt before familiar.. And in May I will be off to exciting India. And familiar will change then, too. Haha.. I really don't want to start thinking about what happens after India because I don't know. But for right now, I'm in Perth, Australia learning how to care for mother and baby. Breathing deep the day! Desiring for God to bring a familiarity of his presence. So that no matter where I am I will be familiar with his voice.. that's the kind of familiar I long for.

I like that.

Do you know the feeling.. when you're in a far away place, and you look at a picture and you put yourself in that picture and not in the far away place anymore? That happens to me every time I check my email or look at pictures on facebook. I'm sitting here in the lounge.. all the way in Australia.. but when I start reading the words.. the couch I'm sitting on disappears and so do the voices going on around me.. and the ceiling and walls turn into the beautiful landscapes of Pennsylvania. I put myself right into the picture and think about what would be going on if I were right there. And then I shut the computer and realize I'm so so far away. It's always this smack of reality. Usually I'm so busy that I can only think about it for a minute or so.. but other times it really hurts. Like I physically feel the pain of being gone all over again.. I love being in the perfect will of God.. but it's hard. It doesn't always feel wonderful and great everyday. It's a challenge sometimes to remember that this is right timing. As I continue to read my bible and pray and be here learning, God reminds me of his good plans for me. He also reminds me that its ok to miss home. Hey! I'm glad for where I came from-that's a good thing. I like that.

I think I'll go home, have some tea and read The Count of Monte Cristo until I fall asleep.

Today I am a pirate.

Is it ok to be obsessed with a band? Is it ok if you can’t help it? What if you’ve tried not to listen to them.. simply because for three months straight they were all you allowed your ears to hear? What if you tried this and it didn’t work? Is it ok to be obsessed then? I may have a problem if this is not ok. We are the outsiders.

Good morning New Zealand. Mmm gotta love the window seat.

From my Journal dated July 1^st, 2010 – Australia bound

It started to hit me yesterday as I was getting the last of my things out of the apartment… I was walking out the door when I listened and could hear Grandpa Beiler playing his guitar from his bedroom two floors up. I had stood there many times this spring, always caught off guard.. so happy to be hearing a little bit of him. I stood there and just cried.. realizing that this would be the last time for a long time. Realizing where I came from. Last night I watched home videos with mom and dad. It was so weird… seeing myself as a one year old. Needing my parents.. having no choice but to trust them. How did they let me go? Gradually, over the years.. how did they do it? And now I’m 21 and my own person. How wonderful to have parents who Love and let go.. I guess.. loving is letting go?

July 6^th, 2010

So… I’m here. I’m in Australia. How do I find it? So great. It’s cold. I will admit.. I’m sad that I’m missing PA summer. But I’m here so I will be here all the way. Winter.. winter.. yes, Lindsay it is winter. See? Ok.. yea winter is great. The people? Such a joy to be around. Yesterday we counted and there are 26 nations represented here. I love it. I’m already working on my Australian accent! G’day Mate! How ya goin? Grab a cuppa for brekkie, no worries! J My first day of class is tomorrow. I can’t really contain my excitement. Ohh.. it’s just so good to be here. After a year of praying and hoping to come. I had my doubts about coming.. I think maybe that’s what time does sometimes. When something is so far away it doesn’t seem like its for real even if you talk about it and plan on it. But here I am and thanking God for his provision and timing. And now? I will climb into my top bunk and fall asleep to A Beautiful Exchange.

More to come soon..