Sunday, May 1, 2011

India? Are you there?

It’s given me perspective and strength, fear has. I find beauty in running and pushing and giving out of a tad bit of fear. If there’s no fear then I can’t learn to trust. If there’s no fear then it’s all too easy. If there’s no fear then you can’t change me. And I’m desperate for change; I’m to that point. These lows, these valleys have taught me to be desperate and for that I am thankful.

I find it hard to write about what I am living now. Be patient with me.. someday soon I will tell of India's wonders and challenges. The way it opened me and made me see life differently. I'm finding it difficult to put my experiences into words... there's just so much. I will find a way, I'm confident of that, because I'm determined not to loose this - but the search, this time, will take a different kind of effort. It's easy to write about the lovely, nice things that I see but there is also the stench of death that lingers and that has effected me differently here. Turning inward, becoming numb, realizing that's not okay. I'm in the process of allowing my spirits blood circulation to get going again.

1 comment:

Katherine said...

i love you. seriously, so proud of you. and i understand the feeling.