Current Listen - Skeleton Bones by John Mark McMillan.
Current Read - The Tale of Desperaux by Kate Dicamillo.
I traveled to Zanzibar last week. In this new place I saw many bikes begging to be ridden, many doors longing to be walked through. I had visions of riding one of the bikes through one of the doors… and ending up in another world or outer space or something cool like that. Then I thought of the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the crazy neighbor lady is riding her bike with the basket on the back and laughing creepishly, threatening to take Toto. She’ll never get her hands on Toto, Aunty Em wouldn’t let it happen.
The geckos that chill out on the walls are pretty cute. Today I saw maybe the smallest one in existence; I think he must have been just born. His eyes were humongous and he ran away before I could catch him. I think it would be sort of fun to have a tail and be able to blend into the color of the thing I was sitting on right then, but I wonder if geckos feel sad that they get overlooked as something else. I’m sure they’re grateful for their gift, though. Or maybe they have to learn to be grateful, just like us. It’s possible that most are quite happy but there’s a special one who really wishes he could be seen or heard. He’s probably got great ideas and adventurous tendencies and is a disgrace to the gecko community. That’s usually how the story goes… I have no doubts that he will find his way in this wide world.
I’ve had a few revelations in the past couple of weeks. One of them is about the capacity of the mind; maybe cause I’m reading The Lord of the Rings and once every few chapters I stop and remember that Middle Earth doesn’t exist. J.R.R. Tolkien brought life to an entire world, whole people groups and languages, full history of their existence and lineage. There are actual history books written about middle earth, maps and movies, all about a place that physically does not exist. In these moments I give huge props to God for doing it for real, creating stuff from nothing. It’s one of my favorite things about this God, this lover. The creativity behind it all… gives me the urge to create.
Today I caught a baby girl and named her Juniper. Cord around the neck once, slipped that sucker over the shoulders as the body came out. Jun gave a nice big cry at about 2 minutes. Asante Mungu na karibu kidogo wakike! Thank you God and welcome little girl!
Last few days in Tanzania, Africa. Doing the usual ya know? Saying goodbye, preparing for the next thing, packing. Searching for a way to correctly remember the experiences I’ve had, soaking in the lasts of everything. My eyes have shed many tears for this place and the people in it over the past six months; tears of anger, love, injustice, honor. I feel them coming now… the investment, the exposure, allowing myself to be changed by it all, wanting so badly to understand. And then understanding, slowly so slowly understanding. Just beginning to. Feeling a little bit right in a place so completely different than I have ever known. We had a rough start, Africa, but could you believe me when I say I’ve fallen in love with you?
“She heard drawers shutting and opening, doors creaking, and boxes being pulled out from under beds. “What are they doing?” she wondered. “What will happen next?” Very still she lay in her soft little bed with her familiar belongings about her: her postage stamp view of Rio harbor; her silver pig off a charm bracelet; her turquoise ring, which sometimes, for fun, she would wear as a crown, and, dearest of all, her floating ladies with the golden trumpets, tooting above their peaceful town. She did not want to loose these, she realized suddenly, lying there straight and still in bed, but to have all the other things as well, adventure and safety mixed --- that’s what she wanted. And that (the restless banging’s and whisperings told her) is just what you couldn’t do.” -The Borrowers
I’m learning about risks; they involve possibly loosing in some way… but could cause other things to be gained as well. Maybe things unseen? Just maybe. And fear… and what it looks like to give that up and just jump. There are moments where I want, desperately, for adventure and safety to be one in the same. I wish they understood each other and maybe tried to work together. But mostly I just want to live bigger and I see that in order to live to the fullness that I was created for… I must risk. I don’t exactly know what that looks like with some things but I do know that adventure is what I seek. I want to learn from everything I see! I don’t want to shut out what’s right in front of me. Africa, teach me. India, show me. Australia, open my eyes! Help me become a better Lindsay…
I’m so in love with life.
Antenatal Care.
Took lots of blood pressures, pulses, temperatures and respirations today. Listened to many fetal heartbeats. Practiced my Kiswahili.
I did a palpation (feeling mama’s belly for the position and lie of the baby) on Zelma Selemani and the baby kicked back! I felt the head and it was ballotteable (moved/wiggled back and forth between the pressure of my thumb and fingers guiding it side to side.) Either baby didn’t appreciate being moved around or he just wanted to say ‘Hey Mzungu!’ (white person). Palpating bellies is one of my favorite things about antenatal care. Usually the baby doesn’t kick back – but this little guy was energetic!
Then there was Miriam Saidi. She was PRE-CIOUS. It didn’t seem like she was in labor at all cause she just kept smiling at me so hugely. I think maybe because I was talking to her in Kiswahili. Tanzanians get a kick out of mzungu’s practicing their language. “Jina lango Lindsay, na toka Americani. Wewe na mtoto nzuri sana Miriam!” (My name is Lindsay, I’m from America. You and your baby are doing very well Miriam!)
Nuru Mohamedi was feeling kazungu zungu (dizzy) and she let me massage her lower back… I asked if I could pray for her and knew she didn’t know what I said, but I think she understood when I put my hand on her belly and closed my eyes to speak out life. I saw her yesterday as well. I sat with her for a while and helped her through contractions and filled out her partograph. Hoping for a good delivery and that I wont see her tomorrow because that will mean she’ll have been there for almost four days! Baby come soon!
Salma Juma had some major swelling of the legs and feet going on. She could hardly walk. I wheeled her down to ultra sound so they could get a further look because she wasn’t having labor pains but she was having serious leg pain. The hospital rarely does ultra sounds for pregnant mama’s because it’s expensive so this was my first time going. The ultra sound tech. proposed to me… about a monthly occurrence for your average white girl here. “Um haha, no thanks – haven’t even known you a whole minute. It works a little differently in America, buddy.” Made for some fun conversation. Wheeled Salma back and tried to make her comfortable on a bed she had to share with another woman. Again – praying for a good delivery and recovery for Salma.
These are four women out of the twenty or so that I see every day in the 4 hours of being in the hospital. Sometimes it’s overwhelming with the lack of resources. I don’t know where to find more staff to work or how to get enough oxytocin and cord clamps so the moms don’t have to bring their own… but I do know how to be with one woman at a time and try my best to give her proper care and value in that moment.
Next week I’m in the labor ward where all the action is. But I’m realizing there is so much more to this than simply catching babies…
Works produced by faith.
Labor prompted by love.
Endurance inspired by hope.
1 Thess. Ch.1 v.3
